I was 8 when my teacher put me in the back row of the dance team because of my complexion. I was 10 when the dramatics team told I was too dark and unattractive to be on the stage. At 14 when I told my friends I wanted to be a model, they burst out laughing. My confidence nosedived! I was alienated because of my skin colour and size. At 15, my college professor in Bangalore, humiliated me in front of everyone for wearing blue denim and a sleeveless black top. He kept pointing out to me and said how my parents hadn’t raised me well. It was my admission day and I wasn’t aware of any dress code. That day still haunts my memory. Students and sometimes professors made fun of me… my looks, my clothes, my skin, the way I walked… everything. I was called names… Blacky, Darky, and others. I have been locked in the lab, crude messages were sent to me etc… Growing up like this, I was very confused.
At home, my parents always encouraged me to follow my dreams. But outside, people made it very clear that a tall, thin girl with dark complexion was ugly and deserved a bleak future. I read up about skin whitening methods but didn’t try them out. My parents had told that I was dark because of the genes. Wouldn’t I be questioning their existence if I tried any of these transformation methods? I gradually started isolating myself and soon got into depression. At this point, my sisters became my biggest support. I realised I was wasting my time bothering about what the world thinks of me. I took a 3-month sabbatical from college, got myself a new haircut. I started afresh – a new me. That day onwards I didn’t care what the world thought about me. Soon, I started working around my childhood dream of becoming a model. I did bag a few contracts. And some unsolicited body-shaming comments but learnt to get a foothold.
Once, during the launch of a popular motorbike brand in Coimbatore, I was rejected for my skin colour. This is after they had selected me. They asked me to leave immediately, it was 12.30 am. That day I decided to fight back. I told them that I wouldn’t move out at that hour and they had to clear all my dues. I threatened to sue them and put the story on social media. They panicked. I didn’t get to do the role but my point was made!
With time, I started saying no to photoshop and skin lightening devices used to enhance the pictures. I wanted the whole world to accept and appreciate dusky skin tones.
I dared to dream, to challenge the Indian mindset, and its obsession with fairness. And I won! The only way forward is to make some noise, to fight all sexist and racist practices and move towards a more diverse and inclusive world.
Niveditha Rajan
