I was born as Manjunath in the small town of Gadag. It was in 2004 when I was in Class 7 that I started feeling utterly uneasy, awkward and trapped within my own body. At the onset of puberty, when my classmates were dreaming of girls, I liked doing girlie things like wearing kajal and makeup and dressing up but did not dare to open up to anyone fearing rejection at home and jeering in school.
In 2009, I moved to Bangalore for my education and also with a hope to find more members of my kind. Growing up I was always confused. Initially I thought I was gay but I was attracted only to ‘straight men’ and I loved dressing up as a woman. It was only in 2010 that I realised I was not gay and that I actually wanted to be a woman. Through this, I managed to keep my orientation under wraps. Finally, I confided to a friend who gave me the advice that I should settle down professionally, earn money, and then inform the world. After all, no one judges or questions an established person. I agreed.
Post graduation, I worked as an event organiser and then took up tattooing professionally. After one year, I set up my own tattoo parlour. Around this time, I took a decision of becoming a woman but decided to fulfil the responsibilities of a ‘son’. So I set up a beauty parlour for my widowed sister and also opened a restaurant for my mother who had a passion for cooking.
In 2017, I took part in Miss Trans Diamond. It was then that I finally confided in my sister. She was devastated. But then she accepted my truth on the condition that I would live with dignity and dispel the bad reputation that transgenders usually carry. My pageant was simultaneously going on which I eventually won. It was then that I decided to come out to my mother. When I reached home, my mother was overjoyed to see me in the elaborate costume, holding the crown. She thought I had won a fancy dress competition. When I told her the truth, she broke down. She thought that I would now start begging on the streets. It was my brother who helped my mother see and understand the facts. It was overwhelming to see my entire family come around. My father has also accepted me but not wholeheartedly. He still craves and misses his ‘son’
Later in 2017, I underwent sex-change surgery. In 2019, I went on to win the Miss Trans Queen contest. In 2020, I represented India in the Miss International Queen in Thailand. Though the international pageant was a great learning experience, I struggled because of the lack of designers or sponsors. In fact, during the national costume round, I had to hold my costume to avoid a wardrobe malfunction. I am sure the ‘normal’ beauty pageant representatives would have everything given to them on a platter. So why treat us differently? I hope that brands and individuals change their mindset and we become truly inclusive as a society.
My journey has been one of struggle, of working hard and fulfilling difficult dreams. Every day brings some new learning, some new experience, which helps me grow as a human being and contribute not only towards the trans community, but also the society.
Nithu Vaanajakshi
Being You © 2020
