The pain I felt is buried in my heart. The way I smile is an art. My name is Sudha Dixit and I am 22 years old. Yes, it has been only 22 years ago since I started living my own life.
I was the third of eight children born to a lawyer and a housewife. Papa had a transferable job so we moved around a lot. Even though we were never too well off because of all the mouths to feed, we always lived in palatial quarters with the housekeeping staff to look after our needs. My older siblings were too old, my younger siblings were too young, and I started turning to books as my companion. I started writing poems from the age of ten.
When I was in Class 10, my mother passed away. I was living with my uncle in Lucknow at the time, and most of the family was with Papa in Assam. Without a mother, Papa said he’d find it difficult to take care of the children, so we were split amongst relatives. Once I got done with my MA, I really wanted to study more, even become an IAS officer but my Papa refused. He said all three of his sons were studying, and he could only afford the education of three people. Even the fact that I had studied on scholarships throughout from the second standard did not convince him. That is when someone told me about Benares University. I joined a law course there.
It was in the middle of studying law and preparing for UPSC exams that my father insisted that I should get married. I wanted to study more but he refused. I was married to an electrical engineer. Initially, everyone said I could continue studying after marriage, but it never happened. I got pregnant right after, and that was the end of my studies.
My husband was a good person, but not so good as a husband. He never encouraged my passions or interests, and even made fun of my dreams. Once my three kids had grown up, I started getting restless and unhappy. I even began falling sick. I needed to do something for myself. That is when I thought about entering the real estate business.
Every time we moved, it was my responsibility to find us a house, so I knew how the industry worked. In 1989, I became one of the few women in Bangalore to work in the industry.
The business was successful. Many families came to me because they were comfortable with their women talking to another woman. Soon, I bought my own property and built a house, with no support from my husband. Even when we got it registered, my 12-year-old son was the one who was with me. When traffic in the city started getting really bad and I could not go out as much, my children advised me to step back from the business and start looking at other things. That is when painting happened.
In 2010, I even joined Chitrakala Parishath for a six-month course, and all the other students were less than half my age. I hosted my first exhibition and sold two paintings too! My book on ghazals would be releasing in January 2019.
My husband was diagnosed with Parkison’s and passed away in 2017. All my life, I have asked people for permission. First my father, then my husband and even my kids. Today, I just tell them and do what my heart desires. I travel, I paint, I write. I sing. I dance. I make the best of what is given to me.
